


come stand a little bit closer (breathe in and get a bit higher)

by notcaycepollard



Category: Captain America (Movies) RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Anxiety, Blow Jobs, Cigarettes, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Rimming, Shotgunning, so much pine it's a forest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-22
Updated: 2016-11-22
Packaged: 2018-09-01 11:57:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8623651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notcaycepollard/pseuds/notcaycepollard
Summary: He takes another hit. Presses his lips closed, holds it in. Looks sideways at Mackie, who just grins, amused and teasing, and Seb moves closer again, curious.“Yeah,” Anthony says, “come on-” and licks his lips, waits for Seb to close the distance and breathe his lungful of smoke back between them. Fuck it, fuck it, that’s the catchphrase of the day, maybe, and Seb just slides in, uncoordinated enough that his mouth totally makes contact. Their teeth clack together a little and it’s terrible, it’s awful, he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing, all he can do is breathe out slow and steady and hope Mackie doesn’t think he’s trying to make a move here or some shit.If he were going to make a move, he thinks, hot with embarrassment, he hopes it would have been smoother than this.





	

The problem is.

The _problem is_ , Sebastian can’t just handle his emotions like a normal human person.

Mackie’s showed up for a visit, unexpected, and that’s great, that’s so great, Seb’s missed him so much it’s practically a joke by now, like, how many times is Sebastian gonna name-drop Mackie in an unrelated press event. It’s so great to see him, seriously.

 _In the city_ , Mackie had texted, _think I can swing by while I’m here?_ and Seb had barely hesitated before replying _yeah, come by whenever, I’m free all day_. Then Anthony had appeared at his door, suitcase still in tow, looking half apologetic and half amused.

“So, uh, any chance your guest room is free? The hotel fucked up my booking, man, everywhere’s super full right now, it’s kind of crazy. Sorry about it, I wouldn’t ask, but-”

It’s no big deal. Of course it’s no big deal. And of course he has a guest room, Mackie’s welcome, he’s always welcome, it’s _totally fine._

It’s just- he’s jittery, is all, chest full of anxious tension, and five years ago he’d have taken an Ativan, done some breathing exercises, maybe called his therapist. These days, usually, he’d go work out, sweat it out, but as it is-

Well, he’s just gonna have to knuckle through.

He pulls out his cigarettes, taps one into his palm. Shouldn’t really be smoking, he quit for a reason, but it calms him down, pulls everything into focus, and it’s _fine_ , it’s so fine, he’s just gonna have one, that’s all. Mackie wanders back in just as he’s lighting it, frowns a little at him.

“Didn’t know you started smoking again,” he says, and Sebastian flushes for what feels like no reason, like he’s a kid who just got caught out and scolded.

“Didn’t,” he says, despite all evidence to the contrary, “I just- needed it, okay. Sorry, I should- I’ll go outside.”

“Nah,” Mackie tells him, “don’t worry about it, I don’t care. It’s your house, man,” and Seb hesitates a little on the edge of the couch before leaning back, taking another drag, blowing the smoke slowly out towards the ceiling. Feels the rush of nicotine, almost sickeningly good, and then Mackie is sitting down next to him, just a little too close for comfort.

“Oh, you want one?” Seb asks, belatedly polite. Nods at the pack on the table. “Go ahead, man.”

“I’m good,” Mackie says, but he’s watching Sebastian smoke, and it’s unsettling. Seb’s never seen him with a cigarette, come to think of it, but he smokes cigars occasionally, he knows that. Thinks about that one twitter photo, and immediately tries to think about anything else, because, _fuck_ , you’re not supposed to lurk someone's social media, right? That’s.

That’s weird, maybe. Fuck, he doesn’t know.

“You’re making me self-conscious,” he murmurs, letting the smoke escape his mouth slow and hazy, and Mackie laughs, warm and loud and way more gorgeous than he has any right to be.

“You know this shit is bad for you, right,” he says, and Sebastian just rolls his eyes.

“Everything’s bad for you,” he shrugs, and it’s. It’s _irresponsible_ , he quit because it _is_ bad for you, quit because it fucks up his voice and his lungs and his breathing. He doesn’t know that he gives much of a fuck about any of that right now. Still jittery despite the nicotine and the ritual of it all, and he doesn’t look at Mackie, just stares at the ceiling and smokes, maybe a little manic.

“Fuck it,” Mackie says, sudden. “Give me that.” Takes the half-burned cigarette from Seb’s fingers without waiting for Seb to pass it up, lifts it up to his mouth, and there’s something shocking about his lips on the filter right where Seb’s mouth has been. It’s. Oh _fuck_ it’s too good, watching him take a long inhale, and Seb closes his eyes and opens them again.

“Bad for you,” he says, like an _idiot_ , and Mackie laughs again, blows smoke into Sebastian’s face.

“Yeah,” he agrees, “I know. So bad for me. God, I haven’t had a cigarette in years. You’re giving me bad habits.”

“Don’t fucking blame me,” Seb tells him, a little defensive, “it was just- stress relief, okay.”

“Yeah? You stressed, baby?”

“I came off the Marvel train to shoot three films back to back, yeah, I’m _fucking stressed_ ,” Seb snaps. Grabs his cigarette back, and it’s burned down practically to the filter but he takes a drag anyway, ignoring the way it burns his fingertips. Leans forward and drops the butt into his empty coffee mug, makes a face. “Fuck, I was doing so good with quitting, I’m gonna regret that tomorrow.”

“Yeah, you know, if you’re risking a lapse it should really be with something else,” Anthony says, easy, and Seb raises an eyebrow.

“I could know where to get some,” he says casually, and feels Anthony lean in against him incrementally, a slow and telegraphed shove of his shoulder against Seb’s.

“Better stress relief,” he says, voice low, and Seb laughs. Drags his palm over his face.

“Yeah,” he says, “yeah, that- okay, hold up,” and gets up to find his stash.

 

He offers Mackie the first hit of the joint, because it seems, shit, _polite_. Guests first, and all that. Mackie waves him off, and Seb stares at him a little feeling slack-jawed and stupid before shrugging, lighting it up. This really is irresponsible, he’s working the next day, he hardly ever smokes when he’s not got at least a couple of weeks off. Should be keeping his head clear. But fuck it, as Anthony’d said, fuck it, _fuck it_ , he feels weird and anxious and in the mood for recklessness, and the way it sends sparks up his spine, the nape of his neck, behind his eyes, it’s so _good_ , ugh.

“You look good, doing that,” Anthony tells him, taking the joint from him. “No wonder there are so many photoshoots of you smoking and dishevelled. You know, in your youth. Your, what was it, early Chelsea days.” Sketches his fingers in the air, sarcastic quote marks, and Seb rolls his eyes again.

“Fuck you,” he says, languid. Lets his head fall heavy against the back of the couch, rolls sideways so he can watch Mackie inhale. He holds it, eyes drifting half-closed, and Seb really shouldn’t be watching, _really_ shouldn’t, all he can focus on is how goddamn long Anthony’s eyelashes are. And then instead of exhaling, Mackie leans in closer, slides one hand around the back of Seb’s neck and pulls him in. Presses his forehead against Seb's. Parts his lips and breathes out, and Seb breathes in, automatic. Their mouths are very close, not quite brushing, and the smoke is hot and damp from Anthony’s lungs, and oh fuck. _Fuck_.

“Always loved doing that,” Anthony says, in a low and conspiratorial tone, not quite a whisper, and Seb can feel Anthony’s breath warm on his own mouth. He turns his head away, breathes out. There’s not quite enough air in his lungs, maybe. Too much smoke, and he has no tolerance, his head is spinning and everything is slow and syrup-thick, things just went from zero to a hundred real fucking quick and he has no idea what it is Mackie’s trying to do here. Play it cool, Seb.

He takes another hit. Presses his lips closed, holds it in. Looks sideways at Mackie, who just grins, amused and teasing, and Seb moves closer again, curious.

“Yeah,” Anthony says, “come on-” and licks his lips, waits for Seb to close the distance and breathe his lungful of smoke back between them. Fuck it, _fuck it_ , that’s the catchphrase of the day, maybe, and Seb just slides in, uncoordinated enough that his mouth totally makes contact. Their teeth clack together a little and it’s terrible, it’s awful, he doesn’t know what the _fuck_ he’s doing, all he can do is breathe out slow and steady and hope Mackie doesn’t think he’s trying to make a move here or some shit.

If he were going to make a move, he thinks, hot with embarrassment, he hopes it would have been smoother than this.

Except. _Except_. Except their mouths are still sealed together, Mackie’s lips warm and dry against his, and he pulls back only to feel Anthony follow him, pressing forward and licking into his mouth easy and slow as if he’s done it a hundred times already. Seb makes a small noise, painful like this hurts, and maybe it does, maybe it hurts, he’s been waiting for what feels like years, pining and pretending he’s not pining and here Mackie is on his doorstep, in his guest room, on his fucking _couch_ and dragging his teeth gentle-sharp against Seb’s bottom lip, it’s too much.

“You okay?” Anthony asks, backing away only a little so that his breath puffs warm against Seb’s mouth again, and Seb nods, shakes his head like that’ll clear it, pinches the half-smoked joint out and sets it down on the coffee table.

“Yeah,” he says like that’ll make it true, “I’m. Fine. I’m fine, yeah.”

“Cool,” Anthony says, “come back here,” and his hand is still on the back of Sebastian’s neck, fingers tightening. There that noise is again, _embarrassing_ , it’s like Seb’s got a neon display blinking above his head just showcasing all of these issues. Mackie kissed him, _wants_ to kiss him, and maybe it’s just the weed, maybe Mackie’s just enjoying being languidly high in the sunshine of a warm fall day and Seb is as good a person as any to enjoy some low-key making out with, but it’s too late to care about that now.

“Yeah,” Seb says again, stupid, thick-tongued, “okay-” and lets himself fall back against the couch, fall into Mackie’s orbit, fall head over heels with his mouth dropping open a little like he’s just waiting to be kissed.

 

Mackie kisses him like he’s laying claim. Sebastian can’t stop making these noises, desperate and loud, just getting louder when Anthony slides his fingers up into Seb’s hair and tugs his head back until his throat is one long exposed line.

“I probably can’t-” Mackie says, teeth at the base of Seb’s throat, right on his pulse, and Sebastian feels his heart thump so hard Anthony must surely be able to taste it.

“I’m,” he says dazedly. “Working. Tomorrow. An interview.”

“Right,” Anthony agrees. Licks over his pulse-point instead, and Seb closes his eyes tight, watches pinpricks of light dance over the inside of his eyelids.

“I’ll wear a collared shirt,” he says, “a turtleneck, it’ll be fine,” and Mackie laughs all warm and soft before setting his teeth in and biting like he means it, biting until Sebastian gasps and cries out. Oh god, he’s so hard it hurts, so high he can’t focus on anything, and when Mackie licks down to his collarbone, bites again, Seb thinks he might just float right away into nothingness.

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” Mackie murmurs, “your couch is great and all, but I kind of feel like we should move this to the bedroom.”

“Oh,” Seb manages, “ _oh_ , yeah, I- that’s, yeah.”

“No pressure,” Mackie adds, “it just seems like we’re both pretty into this, you know?”

That is, like, the hugest understatement in the universe. Sebastian wants it. _Fuck_ he wants it.

“Definitely into it,” he says, “sorry, _fuck_ , I’m just high as shit right now, my thought process is all over the place.”

“Well,” Anthony says, smiling all sweet and warm and perfect, “your room or mine?”

“Mine’s got, like… you know. Lube, and shit. And the bed’s bigger.” That has Mackie kissing him again, deep and wet, the kind of kiss that leaves Seb gasping for breath, wondering if this is too much, if it'll burn him right up. _Think I can swing by_ , Mackie had said, so casual this can't have been planned, and Sebastian’s been waiting _years_ and thinking _stop hoping, it'll never-_

Friends have casual sex sometimes. That's what friends do. Shit, it's not like he didn't mess around with Chris when they were bored and horny on set way back for First Avenger, and it hasn't changed anything between them.

“My room,” he says again, voice steady like it'll stop all this swirl of high-jittery-anxious-uncertain thoughts, and is startled to discover all that working out has given him enough muscle to pick Mackie right up off the couch and get him there.

 

His bedroom isn't messy but it's not tidy either, the comforter rucked up where he'd got out of bed that morning, a pair of sneakers abandoned on the floor. Seb resolutely pushes down any flicker of embarrassment, shit, Mackie's seen how he lives on press tour, the clutter of a trailer after being on set for a month or two. He doesn't get much time to worry, anyway; Anthony's tugging at his t-shirt, pulling it up and over his head, touching all that newly revealed skin like it's a revelation. A warm palm sliding up his ribs, Anthony’s mouth again on his throat, his clavicle, holy shit his _nipple_ , Sebastian has to even up the balance here and get Mackie naked too.

It's not hard. They're clumsily high, giggling at how they fumble with each other's belts, but all of a sudden Anthony is stretched out on Seb's bed in nothing but his underwear, so _goddamn beautiful_ Seb can't hardly stand it, and he looks for as long as he can get away with, kneels over him and kisses him hard. Moans at how their dicks drag against each other through the layers of thin cotton, and Seb's suddenly afraid he might straight-up come in his pants if he's not careful.

“Wait,” he gasps, “I wanna- wait, hold up,” and dashes back into the living room to grab the joint and lighter. When he gets back Anthony is still lying back, head propped up on one arm, all the lines of his body so glorious Seb kind of wants to photograph him or maybe just cry a little.

“I want,” he says, breathless, “I wanna blow you while you smoke the rest of this,” and Anthony smiles slow and gorgeous, strokes his palm over his dick just once.

“Yeah,” he agrees, “yeah, fuck, that sounds amazing,” and Sebastian smiles, because for all his stupid anxiety he knows how to suck a dick and make it good. He passes Anthony the joint, crawls down between his thighs, mouths at him through the fabric before pulling his underwear down, slow, licking down the crease of his hip. Swallows his dick down, all the way in one long wet slide, just as Mackie inhales his first lungful of smoke, and the noise Mackie makes is so fucking satisfying Seb never wants to do anything else.

He drags it out, teases him with little swirling licks of his tongue and then takes him in again, watching Mackie the whole time. Anthony pulls his arm out from under his head, twines his fingers into Seb's hair like he wants to pull, thrusts up into his mouth as if he can't resist.

“Oh,” he gasps, “fuck, that, right there,” and then he does pull, yanks Seb up and off so he can reach down and hold the joint to his lips. Seb doesn't really need to be any higher but he takes a drag anyway, holds it until his lungs burn, presses his mouth wet on Anthony's hip and exhales slow so he can watch the smoke billow up over smooth bare skin.

“Holy _shit,_ ” Mackie swears, the syllables slurring and stretching in his mouth, he sounds almost as high as Seb feels right now. Sebastian sucks, hard and gentle and then hard again, relentless, suddenly determined to make Mackie moan so loud Seb will _know_ it's the best blowjob Mackie's ever had, he just wants not to be forgotten, he just-

“Jesus,” Mackie says. Strokes Seb's cheek, touches his fingers to the corner of Seb's mouth. “Jesus, _fuck_ , Sebastian, your mouth, I might be in love.” Seb pushes harder, swallowing around the head of Anthony's cock and feeling the burn of tears in his eyes, keeps going, his jaw is aching and he's so hard he could probably come if he ground his hips down into the mattress even once, it's the best thing he's ever felt.

“I'm gonna come,” Anthony gasps, “shit, Seb, I'm-” and Seb swallows and swallows like it's so good he's almost coming himself, feeling Mackie's pleasure sparking under his own skin until he's flushed hot all over.

 

He keeps going until Anthony is trembling with overstimulation, until he drags Seb back up the bed and pulls him in close.

“Fuck,” he says, “god, that was-” and kisses him, clumsy and messy and wet, licking at Seb's mouth like he likes the taste of himself. “You should fuck me,” he suggests when he pulls away, and Sebastian shivers hard all over at the thought, _god_ , he wants that, but-

“I'm not gonna last that long,” he admits. Ducks his head in embarrassment, and Anthony kisses his cheek, soft and sweet.

“Yeah? You gonna come for me, baby?”

“I-” Seb starts, and blushes harder, “I could- if I come, I mean, I think I could go again.”

“Yeah,” Anthony murmurs, “god, yes, you're so pretty when you're like this,” and touches his fingertips to Seb's chin, tilts his head back so he can get his teeth on his throat and suck a dark bruise into his skin. Fuck, Seb is high; the pain ripples through him, his limbic system demanding _touch fuck yes there that holy fuck yes_. The air is heavy with weed and sweat and sex, this is so good he wonders if it’s some kind of daydream, he can’t _focus_ everything is so good, so fucking good, holy fuck. He dimly realizes he's rutting up against Mackie's thigh, and then Mackie bites again, wraps his fingers around Seb's dick and _squeezes_ , and that's it, Seb's gasping like he’s crying a little, spilling messy all over Mackie's hip, his hand, holy fuck, holy _fuck_.

“That's it,” Anthony whispers, voice dark and warm in his ear, and Seb's dick twitches, drools out a little more come, Mackie rubbing his thumb through it and it's slick and intense and too much, just on the edge of pain, if he doesn't stop he might just stay hard, _Jesus._

“Let me eat you out,” he says, desperate for it, and Mackie makes a low noise like he’s shocked and incredibly turned on all at the same time. “Come on, I’ll fuck you, I promise, but lemme eat you out first. I’ll make it so good, I swear.”

“Baby,” Anthony says, serious, his pupils huge and dark. “You don’t gotta convince me, good god,” and then he’s kissing Seb again, rolling over onto his stomach, turning his face to the side so he can still see Seb. Props himself up on his elbows and licks his lips. “You think you could get me a glass of water, though?”

Sebastian’s thirsty as fuck, when he thinks about it. Scrambles naked into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water from the fridge, swallows about a third of it in three long swallows. Comes back into the bedroom and is struck fucking _dumb_ with how good Anthony’s ass is, his thighs, the curve of his back, god. It’s ridiculous how beautiful he is.

“You okay over there?” Mackie asks, teasing, and Seb snaps out of his reverie, passes him the water, kisses his shoulder.

“Just…” _You know you’re gorgeous, right? You know I’d do anything for you_. The words sit on his tongue and he bites them off just in time, settles back onto the bed, kisses his way down Anthony’s spine to the dimples just above his ass. “You got a nice ass, is all,” he says, nipping at it to illustrate his point, and Mackie laughs like he’s pleased with the compliment even as he squirms away from Seb’s teeth. “Yeah,” Seb says, squeezing Mackie’s ass with both hands, pressing another kiss wet and tender to the back of his thigh, “shit, yeah, you got a _real_ nice ass,” and Mackie’s laughter trails off into a breathy gasp.

“You sure-” he says, and Seb nods emphatically before realizing Anthony probably can’t see him.

“ _Shit_ yes,” he says, “but pass me the lube, would you? It’s just in that drawer.” Anthony stretches out, sets the water down on the bedside table, reaches for the drawer, and Sebastian watches the play of muscles in his back, the beads of sweat sliding down his smooth brown skin. _God_ he’s beautiful.

“Interesting,” Mackie says when he opens the drawer, pulls out _handcuffs Jesus Christ_ Seb forgot those were on top. He raises one eyebrow as he passes Seb the lube and a couple of condoms. There’s a vibrator in there too, he must have seen it, but he doesn’t say anything, just settles back against the pillow and spreads his thighs open a little wider.

“ _God_ ,” Seb breathes, and thumbs him open, drags his tongue slow and easy all the way up his crack before settling in to eat him out in earnest.

 

Time stops. Nothing matters except making Anthony keep moaning, little sobs under his breath, noises so good Seb wants to hear them forever, he'd do this every fucking day if he could. Every hour, every goddamn minute. Get on his knees and let Mackie fuck his mouth, bury his tongue in Anthony’s ass until he’s shaking and spent. He sinks into hyperfocus, so high he can’t think, can’t do anything except work on making Anthony moan so loud it sounds bled out of him. Traces his tongue around the rim of his ass, sucks at it, teasing little licks and nibbles with just the edge of teeth, and then pushes his tongue right in, feels Anthony tighten around him.

 _You don't know how long I've been thinking about this_ , he thinks he hears Mackie say at one point, but that's not right, that can't be right, it's Seb who's been thinking about this for months, years, thinking about fucking Mackie with his tongue until he's clutching at the sheets and sobbing for breath, until he's wet and loose and Seb can slide two fingers right in. He licks around them, angles for Anthony’s prostate, skates over it without quite pressing hard enough to make it good, and that’s when Anthony breaks and stutters and begs.

“Oh god,” he gasps, “Seb, _fuck_ , you should- you gotta fuck me, I need-” and Sebastian feels like he might fly out of his own skin any second.

“Yeah?” he asks, pulling back just enough that he can actually get the words out. Pushes his fingers in deeper, pulls them out, thoughtfully rubs a third fingertip around the edge of Mackie’s hole. “You sure you’re ready?”

“ _Make_ me ready,” Anthony says, needy for it, and hearing that in his voice, it fucks with Sebastian so hard he has to grab his own dick and squeeze hard at the base just to stop himself from coming.

“Yeah,” he says, “yeah, okay, sweetheart, I got you.” Cracks open the lube, pours it on his fingers, rubs his thumb against Mackie’s rim as he slides two fingers in deep, all the way up to the knuckle. Scissors them open, careful, and slowly, slowly pushes in a third. “God,” he breathes, watching, “I could eat your ass for another hour, I swear, I could do it all fucking day,” and feels Mackie’s ass clench around him.

“If you say another _fucking word_ I’m gonna come,” Mackie warns him, “get your fucking dick in me already, Seb, we can talk about doing this all day later.” Seb laughs, can’t help it. Smacks Anthony’s ass cheek and reaches for a condom, tears the packet open with his teeth and fumbles it onto his dick one-handed, slicks himself up with lube.

“Yeah?” he asks, pulling his fingers out and rubbing his dick up against Anthony’s ass, not quite pushing in, just testing, and Mackie arches his back, grinds back against it.

“Fuck yeah,” he says, “ _fuck_ yeah,” and that’s enough for Sebastian to push in, biting his lip hard at how goddamn fucking incredible it feels. It’s, fuck, it’s hot and tight and slick, so fucking _tight_ , it feels like forever that Seb’s pushing in, fingers gripped tight on Anthony’s hips, holding him still even as he gets impatient and tries his best to fuck back onto Seb’s dick all the way.

“Oh _fuck_ ,” Seb moans when he bottoms out, “Jesus Christ, that’s good,” and leans forward, kisses Anthony between the shoulderblades. Slides his right hand down to grab Mackie’s dick, and it hits him, he’s fucking _inside Anthony_ , it’s maybe the best he’s ever felt and they’re fucking, they’re _fucking_ , Jesus Christ. Sebastian’s only goddamn human, high as shit and coping with a lot of complex emotions, he can’t-

He bites his lip sharp enough to bruise. Blinks hard, and takes a deep breath, and rolls his hips, begins to thrust. He wants to make this good, okay, he just wants to make it all really good, he wants Anthony back again, to call him up and say _I can’t stop thinking about how we fucked that time, let’s do it again_ , he wants, he _wants_.

“Jesus,” he says again, biting it out. Fucks into Mackie slow and deep, listens to the way he’s breathing hard. Strokes his left hand down Mackie’s spine, tender like maybe he can put all his feelings out there without saying a word. “God, sweetheart, that feel good for you? You’re so fucking hot I’m gonna die, I swear to god.”

“Oh god,” Anthony says, low, and he’s so hard, leaking pre-come wet all over Seb’s fingers so that Seb’s hand slides slick. “God, Sebastian, that- _yeah_ , right there, fuck, _fuck_.” He tightens up and his breath hitches and Seb fucks him harder, pushing him into the brink. “I’m- _shit_ , Sebastian, I’m gonna-” and the way Seb’s name sounds in Anthony’s mouth, the way he goes breathless halfway through, it tips Seb right over the edge with no warning at all.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Seb gasps, “fuck, _fuck_ ,” and comes so hard his ears ring.

 

They collapse down into a sweaty heap, Seb not quite on top of Anthony but close enough it makes no difference, his lips brushing the nape of Anthony’s neck. He nuzzles against Mackie’s skin, kisses him way softer than he should, but Anthony just makes a pleased noise, reaches back to grab Seb’s hand and twine their fingers together.

“Fuck,” Seb says emphatically after a few minutes, “holy shit, Anthony,” and pulls out, ties off the condom and tosses it in the trash. Reaches for the water and rinses his mouth out, offers it to Anthony.

“Nah,” he says, “I’m good, fuck, come here.”

“I mean,” Seb says. Ducks his head a little. “My mouth’s just been-”

“I don’t give a shit,” Anthony says, “come here and kiss me already, man,” and Seb’s never been able to resist an order especially when it comes from Mackie like that. They kiss slow and easy, Mackie running his fingertips up Seb’s arm, over his shoulder, back down his chest, and the tiny points of contact leave traces like light. God, Seb’s still so high, he’s having trouble keeping a straight chain of thought, it’s entirely too easy to fall into this until he’s so deep it’s hard to surface for air.

“You’re really-” he says, and stops, bites his lip, hides his face in the curve of Anthony’s neck. “This is so good, fuck.”

“We should have done this years ago,” Mackie says, lazy and sated. “Why the fuck didn’t we do this years ago?”

 _You weren’t interested years ago_ , Seb thinks. Frowns to himself. There’s no point in- he just has to appreciate the moment, is all. This one afternoon, the feeling of Mackie’s body against his, the way he smells like fresh sweat and clean skin.

“I could really use a cigarette right now,” he says, staring at the ceiling. Licks his lips and grins a little. “Like, _really_.”

“God, yes,” Mackie agrees. “Where are they? In your living room?”

“Yeah,” Seb says, “we can smoke in here if I open the balcony door, gimme one minute.” He pulls on his boxers, grabs his cigarettes, props open the door. Hopes no paparazzi are waiting with long lenses, but he’s pretty sure none of them actually know his address, so.

“Smoking in bed,” Anthony says, smirking at him as he takes a cigarette and lights it, “in your very own bedroom, you’re spoiling me, Sebastian.”

“Whatever,” Seb shrugs. Leans down to grab the cigarette, takes a drag, passes it back. Suddenly feels restless, a little wired. “I’ll be right back,” he says, “just gotta piss, okay.” Touches his palm to Mackie’s cheek, runs a hand through his own hair as if that'll actually get it any less messy. Heads to the bathroom, closes the door, stares at himself in the mirror. His cheeks are flushed, his mouth swollen, red from kissing, and he touches his index finger to the middle of his bottom lip, closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Splashes his cheeks with cold water and breathes in again, holds for three, exhales for six. _It’s cool. You’re cool. Everything’s fine. Keep it together._

Fuck, he’s hungry, he thinks, and checks his pantry on the way back to his bedroom, considers his options. Must zone out a little, because he jumps when Mackie calls for him.

“What are you doing?” Mackie asks from the bedroom, sounding exasperated, and Seb pulls the spoon out of his mouth.

“Eating peanut butter out of the jar,” he admits, “don’t laugh, I’m _hungry_.”

“Then let’s order a pizza and go back to bed,” Mackie shrugs like it’s the obvious thing to do, and Seb thinks _I love you I love you fuck I love you_ before realizing anything that intense can probably be read straight off his face. He’s never been successful at pretending like he’s a closed book, after all.

“Okay,” he says instead, “yeah, sure,” and lets Anthony trace idle patterns into his skin with his fingertips as they smoke another joint in bed, tangled up in each other and the sheets.

“Thanks for letting me stay,” Anthony says, yawning a little, and Seb shrugs.

“No problem,” he says, not letting himself look too long at Anthony’s eyelashes, the soft curve of his mouth. “That’s what friends are for, right?”

“Yeah,” Anthony says, fingers pausing for a moment on Seb’s hipbone. “Friends.”

 _I love you_ , Seb thinks, and swallows it down like smoke.

**Author's Note:**

> look this is absolutely just brought to you by: shotgunning is really hot and Seb's anxious crush can be seen from space, so
> 
> come talk to me [on tumblr](http://notcaycepollard.tumblr.com/), if you liked this feel free to [like or reblog](http://notcaycepollard.tumblr.com/post/153510982806/come-stand-a-little-bit-closer-breathe-in-and-get), I'm always here for all-caps yelling about evergreen Stackie content


End file.
